Isaiah, No Swiping!

After hitting snooze on the alarm about twelve times this morning, I finally climbed out of bed and sauntered into the bathroom.
"Daddddyyyyy..." I heard and I flushed the toilet and began to wash my hands.
Isaiah's voice echoed through our bedroom on his baby monitor.
One day, we will feel confident enough to turn it off, I thought to myself. His voice was just as clear coming from his open bedroom one door down as it was on the monitor.
I open the door just as my husband swings his legs over his side of the bed and slowly walks toward Isaiah's room.
"Mooorrnning" He sings solemnly, emphasis on the "mourn" in morning.
Moments later as I pin my hair up for my shower, Isaiah comes running barefoot into our room.
"Good Morning, Pickle!" I exclaim. He beams.
"What happened to your socks?" I say, gesturing at his small barefeet nestled into our tan carpet. Isaiah looks down and then back at me.
"I don't know." He says puzzled.
"Richard, see if Isaiah's socks are in his bed..." I yell into the hallway, pretty sure Richard was still in Isaiah's room making up the bed.
I open the door to the bathroom and reach for my pink shower cap hugging the crook of the towel rack.
Just then, Isaiah scurries over, busting open the door and grabs the shower cap from my fingertips.
"Baby," I begin but not quick enough to stop him as all three foot tall of him rushes into the hallway. I follow behind just in time to see him pause and chuck my showercap down towards his brother's nursery.
"You'll never get it now." He yells. He looks at me his pink lips in a thin determined line, the corners of his lips slightly upturned revealing a small satisfied grin.
Confused, I shake my head in disbelief. Richard emerges from Isaiah's room with two little socks in his hand and looks from me to Isaiah to the discarded shower cap.
Then I get it.
"Swiper?" I say.
Isaiah nods, walks back into our bedroom and waits for us to get him dressed for his day. Richard and I collapse into silent giggles into the hallway walls.

Is my kid the only kid who got the wrong message from Swiper, the Fox on Dora The Explorer? lol

The Living Years

I must have heard this 1988 song by Mike and The Mechanics at least a hundred times in my lifetime but it wasn't until a few months ago when I heard it on my way to work and started crying like a baby that I really understood all that it meant.  "The Living Years", according to Wikipedia, was written by Mike Rutherford and B.A. Robertson who had both lost their fathers recently.  Mike had a difficult relationship with his Dad and Robertson had a son a few months after his father died.  I haven't lost my father but I feel drawn to this song.  I really think it captures the helplessness and loss you feel at the finality of losing someone you love.  I have been feeling it a great deal lately - when I think of something funny my brother said or what he might have said to a particular situation.  I can't help but get lost in my thoughts of little things I could have said or changed during the last year of his life.  I often wish I had been more present in our last phone conversation - you know, when you are hearing someone but you cooking, or cleaning or half watching mindless televison.  I wish I could have taken a moment to soak up every letter, every pause, every breath, every piece of that conversation between us.  During those final hours in the hospital, I wish I could have thought of something more clever to say than some mindless babble about a television show I had seen.  During those final minutes, I wish I could have been more convincing when I told him to stay strong... because I knew he was already gone.  There are so many things I want to say to my brother, so many things I would have loved to had said to my Grandfather other than "I love you." before they put him on life support. 

Anyway, today, on the eight month anniversary of my brother's death, after I followed a silver Mustang into work this morning, I heard it on line at Chick-fil-A at lunch - I wish I could say I was doing something more profound than satisfying my craving for waffle fries but it hit me again.  Needless to say, I couldn't hide the tears from streaming down beneath my dark shades.  The guy at the drive-thru window must have thought I was really happy or really sad to get my order...



Here are the lyrics:

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defense

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years.

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die

For Wesley,

Well, baby boy, you are almost here.  Only 7 weeks left! As I write, you are quiet and still but I know you will be moving about soon.  You're always shifting and stretching.  Mommy loves watching her tummy go in and out.  It isn't always comfy for either of us - you love to kick and push Mommy's bladder and you are already pushing down getting ready to make your arrival.  I know there isn't much room left but soon you will have the whole world to explore!  Your room is almost ready and your brother, Isaiah, is very excited you are coming.  After some confusion, I finally convinced him you are not in everyone's belly - just Mommy's - but he still has those moments where he lifts his shirt and stares at his stomach and I can tell he is still wondering.  His favorite thing to do is kiss my belly and tell you he loves you.  I know the two of you will be close - but I also know you will not always see eye to eye.  It's not easing being the youngest. 

Mommy knows. 

Just remember how excited your big brother was that you were joining the family and that he loves you and his world is better with you in it.  The bond you will share is unique and never, ever lose that.  Daddy is excited too.  He said having two sons makes him feel like a King.  We saw your perfect face on 3D/4D ultrasound a few weeks ago and you look just like him (and your brother of course)!  Daddy is very nervous about you and I making it through these next few weeks happy and healthy.  He gets very angry when Mommy tries to do things around the house and I know if he had it his way, I would sit still and do nothing but eat, drink and sleep.  But, Mommy is a busy bee.  I am making sure everything is perfect for you.  I love staring in your room and picturing you sleeping or playing with your toys.  I love to imagine the places we will go, our kisses and cuddles, whether you will be a social butterfly like your brother and Dad or take things in a little longer like your Mom, whether you will have your Mommy's funny toes or your Daddy's pink lips.  I am so excited to know you.

Mommy, Daddy and Isaiah are not the only one's excited about your arrival, my love.  Your grandparents, aunt and uncles are also very excited for your arrival.  You even have two angels in heaven - Mommy's brother, Tommy and your Great Grandfather, Isaac, that will look after you your whole life.  Do you know how special that makes you?  A few weeks before Mommy found out she was pregnant with you, our family went through a very difficult time.  We lost my brother and your Uncle Tommy.  His middle name was Wesley and that's where you got your name.  You will hear all about your Uncle Tommy your whole life but I want you to know why we chose to name you for him.  Uncle Tommy was older than Mommy by ten years and he was 38 when he died.  Depending on when you read this, that may seem old to you but you will realize it is very young.  He was Detective with the New York City Police Department and was very committed to making sure people were safe - especially little people like you and your brother.  He loved his family very much and was always there for us.  I know, if he were still alive, he would be the first person at the hospital after your were born - just like he was with your brother.  Uncle Tommy wasn't just strong and brave - but he was also funny, inquisitive and very smart.  He loved fast cars, dinosaurs and exploring this big vast earth.  Uncle Tommy was both special and unique - he drove a silver Mustang and would blast his music as loud as he could and go as fast as he could - from Frank Sinatra to Elvis to Tupac.  He never cared what anyone else thought.  He remained completely and uniquely himself.  Your Daddy and I named you for him not just because of how much we loved him but how much we love you.  His name is not meant to define you - it's meant to remind you to always go forward into this world with courage and conviction.  The world is yours and your potential in it is limitless - I want to you to know that - but Mommy and Daddy will believe it for you until you do.  Chase your dreams - and never apologize for who or what you are.  You will make a ton of mistakes.  That's okay.  Just keep learning and growing.  Those who truly love you - will love you no matter what.  No matter what.

Your conception brought light into all of our worlds during a very dark time.  In you - we see the miracle of life, God and purpose.  I am so excited and proud to be your Mommy, Wesley, and I am counting down the days until we meet.  No matter what happens in our lives - always remember the joy and happiness you have brought to this family - even just by watching you move inside of me.  I look forward to seeing your grow from our little baby to a wonderful, beautiful man.  I can't wait to witnessing the choices you make and the the lessons you learn - even when I can no longer control them.  My love for you and your brother is infinite and it goes beyond the highest heights and lowest lows - from your little baby head to your teeny, tiny feet.  I love you, baby.  I will see you soon.

Love,

Mommy

I'm hot.

Literally. 

This 90 degree weather in the Mid-Atlantic is making me feel like I may disintergrate into a small puddle of wax at any moment.
No wonder I waited until after I was pregnant with Isaiah to start this blog! I feel like doing nothing but eating feta cheese and drinking water.

So, I am 31 weeks today - 7 months and 3 weeks pregnant! Less than two months until the munchkin arrives! Here is a picture of me and my gi-normous belly the spouse took on my camera phone last night!