She's Having a Baby

And then you began.

Like a rainbow in a stormy sky.

You began.

Amidst tears and sadness, my family received wonderful news last month. Another little person is entering our lives. That's right - she (me) is having a baby! In July 2010, to be exact.

Boy, life is funny, isn't it? Just when it makes no sense, it makes more sense than you could have ever imagined. If you haven't guessed, I am a proud Mama. In fact, I am hopelessly in love with my little person - who makes me laugh and smile even when I am determined not to. If he even senses I am sad, he says, "Mommy, sad?" and then he comes over and goes, "Kiss." and plants his chubby little cheeks on my lips. I usually say, "I love you, Isaiah." and he says, "I love you, too Mommy."

My heart melts. Then we play... or read... or snuggle... or he asks me to make impossible things out of playdo.

I am reminded of just how simple life can be.

I love him. I love my husband. I love my family. They love me. We share our lives.
That is all.

Everything else. EVERYTHING else... is secondary.

Losing my brother was a jolt. It is like God putting a giant loud speaker to his lips and yelling: "ARE YOU LISTENING?"

Through tears, I can nod - yes, I am listening.

Life is fleeting.

Life is short.

Life is not mine to plan.

God Matters. Family Matters. Love Matters.

That is all.

Being blessed with another life inside me was like God yelling again, "ARE YOU LISTENING?"

Yes, I am listening.

Life is beautiful (even when it seems dark, ugly and scary)

Life is short.

Life is not mine to plan.

God Matters. Family Matters. Love Matters.

That is all.

This baby met his/her uncle. Their paths crossed in heaven.

I know it.

I close my eyes and see them - on a dirt road, surrounded by trees, a flawless sky - blue, full of billowing, fluffy white clouds, just the kind Tommy and I like. Flowers, lots of flowers. Pretty colors. Blues. Purples. Whites. Green grass. Perfect weather. Just like the perfect day we had this summer. When Isaiah was in his baby pool and Tommy, my mom, my husband and I ate grilled turkey burgers in my mom's backyard under the warm sun. Not a bead of sweat dripped. Not a chilly draft blew through the air. It was perfect.

Tommy saw our baby and he said, YOU are just what this family needs. Then he pulled a favor - because he was a hero and God owed him one.

And now the baby is here. With his/her heart beating fast deep inside of me.

And I feel so blessed to be a vehicle for his/her existence...

Even despite the nausea. lol.

Richard and I, pregnant with Isaiah, July 2007.