I always feel like, somebody's watching meee...

This morning, before heading into work, I uploaded all of my brother's mp3s to my walkman from his computer. Two things have been my unofficial therapy these past few weeks - his music and my writing. In his defense, and I am sure he would want me to mention this, he has plenty of Jay Z, reggae - current and old school hip hop, pop and alternative in his collection BUT it's the other stuff that really is sending me through a loop. He has gone and gotten himself all iconic in death - sending me these messages from heaven in his song choices (I am aware of just how crazy those 10 words sound). Have I mentioned that his last status update on Facebook was "Sleepy... very sleepy."? That was his status Monday Oct 19 and he left us on the 22nd. Anyway, I am at my desk and this Prince song plays, Under the Cherry Moon - no doubt from the movie of the same name. Here are the lyrics:

How can I stand 2 stay where I am?
Poor butterfly who don't understand
Why can't I fly away in a special sky?
If I don't find my destiny soon,
I'll die in your arms under the cherry moon

I want to live life to the ultimate high
Maybe I'll die young like heroes die
Maybe I'll kiss u some wild special way
If nobody kills me or thrills me soon,
I'll die in your arms under the cherry moon
If that's alright

Lovers like us dear are born 2 die
If they don't find us what will we do?
I guess we'll make love under the cherry moon

What do you think? Maybe we just look for deeper meaning in everything when a loved one leaves us. My family and I saw a rainbow in the sky on our way home from the funeral in the limo. It hadn't rained but there it was, clear as day, a rainbow pouring out of a flawless sky, beneath a beam of sunlight. Maybe it was God telling us everything was okay. Maybe it was Tommy telling us he was still with us. Maybe it was just a rainbow on a beautiful day.
I don't know.
I find myself talking out loud to him sometimes. Begging him to haunt me and promising I won't be scared. I even wrote on his facebook page the other day - fantasizing that he was behind me peering over my shoulder or maybe he was at some wireless cafe in heaven checking his facebook page. lol. Then I hear his music and wonder if he is speaking to me - or maybe I am just hoping that he is speaking to me.
I don't know.
Either way, my big brother and I are going to have a long talk about all this creepy subtext when I see him again...
I won't even discuss the plethora of Alice Cooper songs....