I did it!

I did it! Last Thursday, as promised, I read at my first Open Mic since college. I was an hour and a half late. Reason #1 - Hubby had to work late. I considered being upset but he had a legitimate excuse and since he tends to be my biggest cheerleader - I decided not to waste my energy. Reason #2, Isaiah! Because Hubby was late, I had to take Isaiah to get his immunizations. Isaiah threw THE WORST temper tantrum. I mean, "kick off your shoes, take off your jacket, throw yourself on the floor and WAIL" temper tantrum. The appointment was really close to dinner time so we had to eat and go. He, being the creature of habit he is, usually has play time then TV then story time so this break in his schedule made me and my doctor plans Public Enemy Number One. Of course, being the little social butterfly he is, the minute we actually got to the doctors appointment he was up and performing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, dancing and spelling "P-E-N, Pen" for anyone that would listen. His adorableness saves him because he can throw a temper tantrum in one moment and make my heart melt with a smile in the next. Anyway - the adorableness ended the minute the nurse gave him those two shots and the only remedy was my undivided attention for the rest of this evening.

SO - I say ALL of this to say - by the time, Richard had gotten home I had done NOTHING to prepare myself. I was A MESS. So, I had to run and change out of my lawyer attire, do something about my orderless-toddler-played-in hair and slip on something more "Tiara-like" and head to my future. I must say, I started off nervous but once the words started pouring out, I sort of lost myself. Everyone seemed to enjoy it and they said they could feel the protagonists "conflict" and that there was a "poetic flare" to my writing. The leader of the group - who is a former lawyer (amazing.. I know) said she didn't know how I did it with such a anti-creativity day job. She then went on and on about the horror of her former big DC law firm - blah blah - and how drained she felt every evening when she came home - blah blah. I nodded, in agreement. I understood... but to a point. I don't think I feel as miserable as she did being a lawyer. In fact, surprisingly, I like my new job. I am just convinced there are multiple things that can make me happy. I am truly satisfied professionally when I am immersed into a complex legal issue and I am tailoring arguments to support my position. Likewise, I am truly satisfied deep within my soul when I am in that zone, writing something that is just flowing out of me, I am not trying and the words are just multiplying beneath my pen. And of course, I am satisfied deep within my heart when I am with my son and he is laughing, pouting, asking me to give him twenty kisses or even screaming bloody murder.

I just keep thinking of that Souza quote - Happiness is the way, Happiness is the way... it just reminds me that I really do want to be happy and fulfilled for as many days as I can because life is often shorter than you want it to be - and it can so easily be filled with regret if you don't keep reminding yourself to:

1) Be happy.
2) Practice gratitude.
and 3) Strive for fulfillment and enlightenment.

I am not a poster girl for living these rules. I find myself getting caught up - way too often in regret, anger over things that happened in my past, anger at people for not being who I want them to be, anger at being misunderstood by people I want to understand me and sometimes envy for things others have that I want for myself or my family. I know I'm not alone in that. I think what my journey is about - why I am blogging, why I am writing again and why I suddenly became more concerned with what my career gave me rather than how much I gave it - is my desire be better. To live better.

Okay, Okay, stepping off my soap box. I was secretly hoping you wouldn't notice that I didn't assign myself anything last Thursday for this week. So, drummmrooollllllll....

My assignment this week is to complete another chapter in my novel and share it with someone I wouldn't normally read it to. If I am going to publish, I have to have an audience. My mom, siblings and husband only make five people... and Isaiah can't read yet. I have a friend in mind, hopefully, that person will be willing.

This song is currently inspiring me to write something disturbing (FYI this was one of the first songs I downloaded from Napster in 1999 when it was free and before it was illegal - this just shows how bizarre I really am):



In the words of Bernie Mac, "Goodnight, America."