Emotional Rollercoaster

This is dedicated to my second born - who I shared a dance with after midnight (Thanks, VH1 Soul). Refusing to sleep, as usual, this song came on and created a perfect backdrop to our midnight dance.  My dear Wesley, eyes filled with tears, paused and looked into the air (in that newborn "i'm looking at nothing but everything way) and stayed quiet for our entire dance to this song.  Funniest line expressing the irony of this song: "And I'm so tired of you pacifying me..." We thought it was colic but I think it may just be an emotional rollercoaster... it's hard being a baby.

Isaiah is Three!

On August 22, Isaiah turned three years old! I can't believe it was three years ago that this little person came into our lives and made what I already thought was good even better.  Each day, my love for my little guy grows deeper and deeper and I am know being his mommy and, now Wesley's Mommy too, is my greatest purpose.  For his birthday, Isaiah told us he wanted a blue guitar because he "is a rock star" (so he has been telling us).  So - thats what we got him.  We also got him a new bike because he outgrew his old one. We celebrated with a party at his school and then a party with close friends and family on the actual day.  As a three year old, Isaiah is a french fry stealing, expert pretending, always- singing, grooviy dancing, persuasive negotiating, time-out conquering, little girl woo-ing, funny little man.  Here are a few pictures taking a look back at just how much he has grown...

A few days old...

One Year Old...

Two Years Old...

Three Years Old....

Then Came Wesley...

So it's been almost two weeks since our second born has entered the world.  We are definitely in a period of transition and thank God for paternity leave and my mom.  I definitely had temporary amnesia about my last c-section and underestimated my recovery and caring for two little ones.  Whew... if nature hadn't found a way to make me forget, I am pretty sure I would not have done that again! After I got the epidural and I was laid out on the operating table with my body full of tingles and the blue sheet covering the lower half of my body, I had a moment where I thought - Never Again.  In fact, when the hubby came into the room, those were my first words to him. 

Then came Wesley...

Boy, did that cry do wonders on my resolve...  Once again it was all worth it, listening to that strong cry, seeing his funny purple face when they held him over the curtain, seeing that big smile spread across my husbands face and feeling the tears streaming down my own cheeks made me forget the trial that came before.  Thankfully, Wesley was amazingly healthy so he roomed with me the whole time I was in recovery and during my post par tum stint.  While I waited for the feeling to return to my legs and received assistance from nurses I had just met for the most intimate of tasks, I had my little one to turn to and look at and remind me I would suffer double the pain just to kiss that little face. 

The husband stayed with me each night I was in the hospital, which was great.  I am not sure how I would have made it through those feedings right after my surgery without him to hand me the baby or take on diaper changes.  He returned home each day to give my mom a chance to come to the hospital and spend time with her newest grand and also give Isaiah a chance to remember how much he was loved.  Which brings me to the most common question we have gotten asked since the birth - how is Isaiah handling it all.  Those four days in the hospital were definitely tough.  He came to visit everyday and I could tell he didn't understand why he couldn't hop in the bed with me or grab his new baby brother.  Richard and I had to work to reconcile our approach because while he was quick to scold Isaiah for his attempts to climb on me or grab Wesley - I thought we should soften our approach and explain to him just what was going on. 

Eventually, we used a little bit of both theories.  We were quick to tell him when certain things were not okay - like touching Wesley's head too harshly but a little softer when he was just trying to touch him or hold him.  We have also been really careful to make him feel important.  Someone gave me the advice to make him feel like he was getting a baby and how important he was in the whole process.  So each morning, I am sure to tell him to come give Wesley a hug and if he is hanging around for a diaper change, I ask him to hand me a diaper or help me put on Wesley's socks.  I have also been sure not to upset our routine with him too much.  I still read him a story before bed and bring him a glass of milk if he has a bad dream.  I let him come cuddle in our bed in the morning and Richard has been really good about taking him to his gym class for Daddy and Me time.  I think Isaiah is having the most difficult time with nap time and going to sleep at night.  He is also having a hard time going to daycare (though his attendance has been pretty sporadic the past few weeks).  We have a co-sleeper in our bedroom so Wesley hasn't slept in his nursery yet.  I think Isaiah is aware  that Wes is sleeping in Mommy and Daddy's room and I think it gives him a little angst.  Likewise, when its time to go to school, he is pretty upset because he knows both Mommy and Daddy are home with Wesley.  So far, he is still on track with his potty training.  I heard some kids regress but he hasn't been in a diaper since before Wes was born.  Mostly, Isaiah's perspective on his little brother has been pretty cute.  When Wesley cries, Isaiah tells him "No more  tears, no more crying" like we tell Isaiah during his sad moments.  He also likes to talk to him about riding carousels, watching Yo Gabba Gabba and visiting Grandma - his all-time favorite activities.  He thinks its funny when Wesley stretches and yawns.  He also thinks its funny that Wesley drinks milk from "Mommy's boobies".  He alternates between calling Wesley his little brother and his friend, which I hope he will take with him for the rest of his life.  Wesley response is usually a grimace or frown.  I think he senses Isaiah is also a baby so he is generally mistrustful of their interaction.  We have started calling Wes - DJ. Chutney and Business Mouse because he is so serious and full of attitude.  I can't wait to see what kind of a little boy that makes!

I guess time will tell! Right now, Wesley just eats, sleeps and dirties diapers lol.  As his demands increase, Isaiah may have a more difficult time with his presence in our life.  I look at back and when I started this blog when Isaiah was three months old and just can't get over the fact that now we are parents of two.  Who knows what the next three years will bring! Either way, I am pretty excited about how it all will turn out...

Wesley Lucas

As scheduled, Wesley Lucas arrived on July 30, 2010 at 3:07pm weighing 7lbs 9 ounces and 19 inches long.  I had a planned cesarean at 39 weeks due to complications with my last pregnancy.  The doctors did quite a bit of tugging to get him out. lol.  When he was finally freed, he was mad! He had a strong, beautiful cry that filled the whole OR and had the doctors and nurses laughing.  My husband and I were filled with smiles and tears and we are beyond excited to have him make our family a foursome.  So far, he is behaving just as expected - he sleeps pretty much all the time and awakes for diaper changes and feedings.  Just like his brother, he gave me no problems breastfeeding and has done a really phenomenal job thus far.  So, our lives are officially changed! More to come soon...

He's Here!

And we couldn't be more excited...

WE are almost there...

I am 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow, officially two weeks and fourteen days to D-day.  Last night, hubby and I were watching a Kevin Hart comedy special and I made the mistake of trying to watch it while lying on my back.  Needless to say, every time I laughed it felt like I was doing crunches.  My laughs eventually turned into tears and then a hormonal rant on how tired I was of being pregnant.  Hubby's response?

"We are almost there, baby."

No five words have ever pissed me off more.  WE are not almost there! I have been pregnant for nine months.  I have a watermelon dangling from my mid section.  I wake up to use the bathroom every two hours while he is snoring.  I haven't seem my va-jay-jay in almost three months.  I get violated weekly by OBGYN staff.  I have random painful Braxton Hicks contractions at all times of the day.  I can't get out of bed or off the couch without bracing myself in a make shift catapult.  I have little baby feet randomly jabbing me in my rib cage.  UGH.  But what was wife's response?

"I know, darling."

Good to see my inner dialogue works every once in awhile. 
I am grateful.  I am. 
I am. 
I am just hot, uncomfortable and so ready to meet the little bugger I have been baking in my body for the better part of the year.

Best of Then Came Isaiah: Just Us Three

I was looking back through old blogs and I almost teared up at this old one.  It was originally posted on March 6, 2008.  I was clearly smitten with my brand new Isaiah and I find myself fastly becoming smitten again with Mr. Wesley -- although I still have 22 days until little man makes his arrival!

----

Just Us Three

On a perfect day, I wake around 9am to blades of sunlight peeking through my blinds. The first thing I see are my husbands dark brown eyes peeking out over our bronze comforter. I can tell he is smiling at me by the way the corners of his eyes wrinkle. I hear Isaiah's happy wake up talk from his crib. I look over and he is playing with his feet. His head turns at the sound of me stirring and he gives me one of his big toothless grins because he is happy to see me awake. My husband gives me a good morning kiss and I rise to take Isaiah out of his crib. My husband wraps his arms around me and presses his lips to my cheek as I press mine to Isaiah's. I dart out the room to prepare Isaiah's bottle while my husband begins his diaper change.

On a perfect day, Isaiah drinks all of his bottle perfectly satisfied, has a big burp, then sits up on the bed and plays with his stuffed duck while my husband and I dream out loud about the promise of our future. My husband has a plate of scrambled eggs with cheese, and I don't complain. I have two slices of bread with grape jam and cup of tea. We watch VH1 soul and laugh at an old Guy video, even getting up to dance with each other and Isaiah. While Isaiah naps, we write together... a poem, a short story, or both, and then we share it with each other. We get Isaiah dressed, take a drive to the beach, because its perfectly sunny, there is not a cloud in the sky. We listen to the music CD we gave out as a favor at our wedding. We sing together to For the love of you by the Isley Brothers, hold hands to Crash into me by Dave Matthews Band and we meet eyes to It's getting late by Floetry. We are wearing short sleeves, but we have jackets in the car, because it will be chilly when the sun goes down. Isaiah plays with the sand and he doesn't put any in his mouth. He laughs when I clean the sand from between his toes and falls asleep as the sun kisses his caramel cheeks. We don't talk much... with our words. We just take it all in, the sun making its slow descent into the horizen, the waves crashing against the shore, the seagulls in a distance witnessing the day. We eat lunch and dinner on the beach. My husband throws our food away, so that the birds don't come too close because he knows I get scared. At dusk, we pack up. Make our way back home. We listen to Isaiah's favorite song CD, while we sing along and peek at Isaiah in his baby mirror as he goes from laughing, to smiling, to drifting off. When we get home, we all get in bed together. My husband and I tickle Isaiah and watch him laugh. I bathe him and rock him to sleep. In the dark, my husband and I dance to no music and fall asleep in each others arms. On a perfect day, there are no fears, no worries, no end, no lonely, just us three, just our dreams.